Acceptance

 

Since a very young age, I have had this preconception of myself. I had this fixed idea on my head of who I was meant to be as if written on stone. I remember having it all planned, incredibly sure that I can complete those tasks to cross them out of my “to do-to be” list in order to become that person I dreamt so hard to be. And for some ridiculous reason I still thought that way until last week.

A nice weekend talk with my best friend, made it clear that there is a great difference between who we wanted to be and who we are meant to be. It seems that the straight line to go from point A to point B almost never exists; not even when having the potential to become who we want to be.

Now, I’m learning to perceive my life as a winding road with many, many stops for site seeing. A speedy and erratic drive through life would only make me miss the chance to enjoy beautiful scenes, and to be mesmerized by a thousand sunsets. It would only prevent me from enjoying life.

I had come to terms with life as it is now: busy, and at the same time slow, some times complicated, so mommy-ish… Many times I have failed to see and count my blessings; many times I felt like I will never fulfill my dream. Finally, I understand that to get to point B I just have to wait and enjoyed the view which at in this moment is my home, and my beautiful family. I have to feel grateful for having the chance to be here with my daughters; to be the one who prepares their meals, and awaits for them at the end of their school day, the one that bakes their cakes, and kisses their boo-boos. From this day on, I accept to be a collector of sweet little kisses adorned with “I-love-yous.” I will just accept to be their official story teller, a “girls rules” advocate, a Barbie player (my least favorite,) a confidante of their dreams and wishes, a mother to be remember (the good way,) and a loving wife. I have decided to stop being so hard on myself and allow some wiggle room to enjoy the treasures already attained. It doesn’t mean that I’m giving up on myself. I’m not a quitter. I’ll simply make the effort to find my moments to do my thing, without being frustrated when it’s just not possible. Maybe if I stop swimming against the currents, I will finally enjoy the process of becoming me.

　

　

　

　

　

 

Comments

[libby]

you seem so grounded and such a very good mother.

. . . is it the time of year? because i've been doing a lot of soul searching and "measuring" of myself and my goals too . . . like you i was a mother first and loved that. i also had expectations that i might find more time for my creative self when the chick flew the nest. and i do but now i must accept that my health does and will slow me down. such a difficult thing for me to have so much breathing room and so little energy to fill it.
i ask myself what my lesson is and can only guess that i've been given the time to move slowly through my life in order to better enjoy every second . . . with eyes wide open and a gladly receiving heart.

love that thought: "maybe if i stop swimming against the currents, i will finally enjoy the process of becoming me."

:-)
libbyQ

[Tiphaine]

accepting yourself. loving yourself..is for sure and for many of us a daily battle....

[Hope]

This hits home. I think everyone thinks, I'm going to do/be this..." When it doesn't happen we tend to get unhapppy and maybe angry. Accepting the amazing role of Mommy is probably the hardest thing you can do. It requires that you lose yourself a bit. But I think in that losing, you find out who you are more than you could anywhere else.

[Liz H]

this is beautiful. being a full-time mom is NOT easy!

[Brenda C.]

Once, while complaining to a friend about "not enough me time" she smiled and stated " there are seasons to life and this is your season to be a mother, enjoy it. Thus, I made peace with myself and am ok with not being able to do everything I want to do when I want to do it. I'm much happier too!!